remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
It's blow job season.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Randomize
