It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
