Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
