Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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