Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
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