What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize