That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
