my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
