May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
