my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
