So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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