he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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