I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
