i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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