We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Let the clothes fall where they may.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
