I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
