I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
