brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Randomize
