He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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