your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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