i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
