i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
