my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
