Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
