She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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