So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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