Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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