Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
