i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize