you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Randomize
