Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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