Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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