I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
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