I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
