you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
