You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I need to sanitize my soul.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
