They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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