The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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