My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
