Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
pop tarts are not kleenex
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
