I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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