I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
We just shotgunned beers for America
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
