I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
