That reminds me...we need to get swords
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
