The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
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