Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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