So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
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