he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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