The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize