we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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