Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
