Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
