I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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