Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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