I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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