wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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