Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
