guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
And then he peed in my hair
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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