Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize