I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
