We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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