you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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