omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
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