Welp...herpes.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
