Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
